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Let's get real.


Sorry about last weeks blogs, friends. I was getting engaged, moving, and traveling.
 It was a long weekend for me but the best weekend. I'm hoping now that things have calmed down a little that I can make these blogs more into what I want.

Last week we talked about what a family is. This week we are going to talk about theories, models, and the family systems. I personally have come from my own dysfunctional family. I moved out of my mother’s house when I was 15, moved in with some amazing extended family, got my life on track, and now I'm getting ready to start my own family.

 There are four theories that we discussed in class; conflict theory, system theory, exchange theory, and symbolic interaction theory. These are all very interesting and I encourage you to go research them and see how they fit into your life. For this blog I'm going to talk about system theory because this fits basically everyone’s family whether they realize it right off the bat or not. 

The system theory deals with rules and roles are the main aspects. The rules are those unspoken rules that each family has but not said out loud. For example, a rule might be don’t tell mom you are bored, otherwise it’s time for chores! Or things like what happens in this house stays in this house. Those are the unspoken rules that you learn over time. Learning over time comes from feedback. We can receive negative or positive feedback which helps us each know whether or not to do again.

When it comes to roles, those differ per personality, family, and situations that may fall upon us. We each fill a role in the family; whether it be the peacemaker, the rebel, the quiet one, etc. For the most part, most people in my class were the peacemakers, meaning everyone goes to them to fix the problems or help siblings, friends, or family just kind of mesh together.

I am not a peacemaker; I generally cause the issues. However, the older I have gotten the less rebellious I have gotten. Sometimes when we get older and situations change within families or within groups of friends our roles might adjust or be completely change. Change isn’t always bad and thank goodness for that. My role as the rebellious child has now changed into quite the responsible one. I help the rest of my siblings keep their act together. J

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this in the last blog or not but I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and while learning about family systems and how families should be it’s become a big testimony builder for me that Heavenly Father truly knows us individually and our families. In the gospel, families are one of the most important things, we believe in being together for all time and eternity despite worldly opposition that may occur.

Families as a system and understand how much person has a role to play has strengthened my testimony in that even though I come from a dysfunctional immediate family and have been “placed” into my extended family as a member. We all have a place in this world, no matter how our families are.

The last thing I would suggest is to go make and create your own genogram. We discussed this in class and it wasn’t an assignment to do but I’ve gotten interested in knowing what roles and traits that have occurred in my own family. We never have to let the past define WHO we are but it does shape us. We can change the future so why not find out what has occurred and become better.

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